


Cold hands, Warm hearts

by NotForOneSecond



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Robert get snowed in at the Mill with Aaron on christmas eve and theyre so in love it kills me, Soulmates, mistletoe kisses, snowed in fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 15:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13056495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotForOneSecond/pseuds/NotForOneSecond
Summary: “The icy air hit Aaron immediately as his feet sunk low into the snow, coming up just below his calf. He let out a frustrated sigh, unclenching his fists as he looked around the empty village, dressed in a white sheet of thick snow. He brought his fingers up to his lips, he could still feel the tingling. The sensation only heightened by the thick, cold air. He could still feel Robert pressed up against them, taste the lingering of his breath.”Aaron & Robert get snowed in together on Christmas Eve





	Cold hands, Warm hearts

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the Robron Christmas Calender. It's a fluffy fic about two people who are in love finding their way back together. 
> 
> Thank you to Em (thisdamndesire) for the beautiful gifs to go with it, which you can see : https://robronchristmas2017.tumblr.com/private/167547975012/tumblr_ozi57fJfTw1wd0ojy
> 
>  
> 
> Just a little note, this is an alternate timeline. The ONS never happened, but they still broke up due to Roberts dishonesty and Aarons insecurities.  
> Enjoy!

If rolling his eyes was an Olympic sport, Aaron would’ve earned himself a gold medal by now.

He couldn’t think of anything worse than being crammed into the Woolpack on Christmas Eve, surrounded by the drunken locals singing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” for the fourth time tonight.

It’s not how he imagined spending his first Christmas Eve as a married man, but then again, neither was being single.

Liv had reluctantly been roped into spending Christmas with Sandra over in Ireland, and Chas under no circumstances was going to let Aaron spend the festive day alone.

She’d convinced him to stay over at the pub, wanting him to be surrounded by loved ones when he woke up on the 25th, but in all honesty, he wouldn’t of minded being alone right now.

He takes another swig of his pint as his eyes awkwardly connect with Robert’s once again.

They’re not actively avoiding each other, but they also are not on civil enough terms to be playing darts and sharing a packet of cheese and onion crisps.

He receives a smile this time, Robert getting merrier as the night passed by. Victoria stood by his side, smiling broadly at something Diane is saying. Aaron’s happy, that he has people around him that love him at Christmas.

He cautiously returns the smile half heartedly, turning his attention back to the pint glass in his hand, swirling the contents around; hoping that he doesn’t get caught out staring at Robert again.

Charity’s walking towards him, she has reindeer antlers in her hand, as she stumbles through the crowd, surprisingly not losing the sparkly tinsel headband she’s rocking, Aaron knows exactly what she’s going to attempt to do.

He takes it as his cue to disappear, heading in the direction of the toilets, hoping for a few seconds of peace.

“Woah.”

His body collides with a hard thud as he hears the familiar voice, his eyes darting up from where they had been glued to the floor.

He feels a surge of panic sweep through him as he looks up through his eyelashes at Robert, who had a drunken smile on his face, hands up by his chest as if to block his body from the collision.

“Sorry.” Aaron mumbles, scratching the back of his neck as he looks up to the taller man. He feels somewhat awkward, which is unfamiliar around Robert, even back when they barely knew each other.

“It’s fine.” Robert chuckles, looking a lot more content than Aaron felt. “Having a good night?”

Aaron smiles softly, feeling gradually more comfortable in Robert’s presence. Their bodies pushed close together by the small proximity of the doorway to the bathrooms, and he can almost feel Robert’s chest vibrate as he laughs lightly.

“Oh yeah, great” Aaron replies sarcastically, another roll of his eyes, but this time there’s a knowing smile on his lips.

Robert returns the smile, warmly at the reply, a murmur of a laugh escaping his mouth. He’d missed Aaron’s sarcastic wit more than he’d like to admit, it always kept him on his toes, always had him laughing.

It falls silent between the two men, eyes looking anywhere but at each other, neither of them wanting the other to see the true feelings that lay beneath.

They know each other so well, always had.

Aaron strains a smile as he gestures towards the toilets, Signalling a goodbye to Robert, happy to have an escape route.

Robert smiles with a nod of his head, about to step out of his way when it catches his eye.

His lip twitches at the corner, his mind clouded with alcohol deeming it a great idea as he reaches out to stop Aaron from leaving.

Aaron wore a confused look as Robert takes the opportunity and leaned in closer.

He presses his lips lightly to his ex lovers, leaving the imprint of a soft and gentle kiss. His stomach fluttered slightly at the familiar feel of harsh stubble on his chin, the taste of beer passed between the two of them. He almost melted, before being startled by an abrupt shove to the chest

“What the fuck was that, Robert?” Aaron spits as he looks at Robert with shock and anger.

Robert recoils a little. Feels hurt and rejected at what he thought was a funny situation, his eyes shoot to the floor, too embarrassed to look at Aaron.

“There’s - mistletoe.” Robert replies, pointing up to the ornament hanging above their heads.

“You’re unbelievable.” Aaron scoffs, shaking his head in detest as he shoves past Robert and straight out the doors of the Woolpack.

Robert stays in the spot, taken back by what had just happened. He feels guilt boil in his stomach as he quickly looks around the room, his eyes landing on Chas behind the bar who simply shakes her head towards him, obviously witnessing the whole thing.

He sighs, looking up to the ceiling, cursing himself for being such an idiot, before heading towards the double doors Aaron had just left from.

::

The icy air hit Aaron immediately as his feet sunk low into the snow, coming up just below his calf.

He let out a frustrated sigh, unclenching his fists as he looked around the empty village, dressed in a white sheet of thick snow.

He brings his fingers up to his lips, he can still feel the tingling. The sensation only heightened by the thick, cold air. He could still feel Robert pressed up against them, taste the lingering of his breath. He hated how worked up it got him, how much desire he still had built up inside him for his ex husband. The only thing he could think to do was push him away, before it got took any further.

He shook himself away from his thoughts, spotting his home just in the distance, he decides he could do with some peace and quiet. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie in an attempt to keep them warm, as the snow fell thicker, leaving a blanket of white on his dark, wet curls. He struggles to move his feet across the small distance, as the white substance grew higher, showing no sign of stopping.

He finally makes it to the driveway, the gravel that usually lay under his boots completely unrecognisable in the current weather. He pushes through the door, shaking off his hoodie and discarding his boots carelessly by the door, something Robert used to constantly complain about, before throwing himself onto the sofa. He rests his head against the back of it, closing his eyes as he pinches the bridge of his freezing nose, trying to rid of the pounding he now had in his head.

His eye shoot open, startled by a loud banging coming from his front door. He huffs, before pushing himself off the sofa reluctantly and towards the front of his home.

Aaron should of suspected it’d be him; should have known him well enough to see this coming. But he still found himself shocked at the fact Robert was outside his door. Still found it unrealistic that after all this time he still cared.

Robert stands shaking, his thin blazer doing nothing to protect him from the blizzard of snow. Aaron imagines what ridiculous shoes lay beneath the heap of snow, and how ruined they would now be.

His grip on the door tightens, as he debates slamming it shut or not, but he knew deep down he could never bring himself to do that.

Robert’s face is pale, cheeks tinged red from the harsh breeze that had hit him on the journey over here. His freckles stood out like constellations in the dark night sky, it felt like stargazing. Aaron had the pattern memorised, but it didn’t stop him from staring.

He’d always loved Robert’s freckles, remembers spending hours in bed, while Robert lay dozing next to him, hair messy and a sleepy smile on his face as Aaron played connect the dots with the marks on his cheek as if it was his own personal canvas. Remembers the freckles telling him where to travels with his lips as he followed them across his jaw and down his neck, leaving goosebumps all over the porcelain skin in his wake.

“Can I come in?” Robert’s voice breaks Aaron out of his daydream.

He wasn’t sure how long he left him stood out there, but his teeth are chattering and his hairs was wet to his forehead with melted snow. He looked ridiculous and adorable all at once. Aaron steps aside without a word and lets him enter.

Robert makes his way further into The Mill, the familiar setting he once called home feeling like a distant memory, a different world. His eyes take in his surroundings; photographs on the walls, badly put up Christmas decorations, beer bottles overflowing the bin.

He instantly recognises one of the photos that stood proudly on the fireplace. Him, Aaron and Liv. It was from their wedding day, the happiest day of his life, and his heart twinges at the fact it had yet to be took down.

He turns his attention towards the tree, all mis match decorations and no colour scheme in sight. A far cry from what he would of allowed if he still had the pleasure of calling this place home. He imagines Aaron and Liv putting it up and decorating it together. Liv climbing up to the top to place the star in its place of pride, both of them just throwing baubles and tinsel in random places and hoping it looked pleasing to the eye.

He pictures what it would be like if he still lived here. How he’d probably lift Liv up to the top with his height advantage and let her put on the finish touch. How they would both force Robert’s Spotify Christmas Playlist on Aaron as they decorated their house as a family. He was hit with a pang of nostalgia that made the pit of his stomach ache, before he was brought back down to reality by Aaron’s tired voice.

“What do you want Robert?” He asks from his position behind him. He has his hands hidden inside his sleeves as he looks towards the floor, almost child like.

"Glad to see your welcoming skills have improved.” Robert jokes, attempting to lighten the mood.

Aaron finally raises his eyes, even if it is just to send Robert a warning glare.

“Sorry.” Robert apologises, it wasn’t the time for jokes. “I just wanted to come and apologise.” He rubs his hands together, trying to get feeling back into his fingers which now resemble icicles.

The glimmer of the silver band on the fourth finger of his left hand instantly catches Aaron’s attention. It still surprised him everyday that Robert wears it proudly on his finger, even after all this time. The stinging sensations begins to creep behind his eyes and he feels the scratch in his throat as he begins to speak his words.

“Right well, you’ve just said sorry, so-” he gestures to the door, praying Robert will give him the easy way out and leave before he gets anymore emotional.

The corners of Robert’s mouth turns down into a frown. He should know Aaron would make this hard for him, but it’s Christmas and that means a time for forgiving right? So he tries again.

“I mean for kissing you, I’m sorry, I had no right, I thought it was a bit of fun.” Robert tilts his head to the side, gauging Aaron’s reaction who has returned his eyes back to the floor.

Robert watches as Aaron’s jaw clenches slightly, a small shake of his head, and Robert knows, he knows this isn’t going to go well. He knows Aaron better than anyone, and for some reason, he’s took this to heart, took it badly, and as he watches his first clench and unclench by his side he waits patiently for the shouting.

“Fun?” Aaron questions, but his voice hasn’t raised, not yet anyway. It’s soft and sad and broken.

“You think this is fun for me?” It’s a question, but he doesn’t wait for Robert to answer as he cuts him off as soon as he opens his mouth to reply.

“You’re right, you had no right to kiss me! Always have to be in control don’t ya’? Well you don’t get to decide how I feel!” His voice has gradually got louder, but it’s more sad than angry, and as Robert opens and closes his mouth a few times, he realises he’s lost for words.

Aaron scoffs and turns his body away from Robert, but instantly realises he has nowhere to go.

“Aaron that’s not what I was doing.” Robert protest, the sadness in his ex lover’s eyes making him want nothing more than to take it away. But he doesn’t have that power anymore; doesn’t have the right. If anything, he’s caused this.

“Just get out Robert.” Aaron spits, deciding that it’s the only way he can get out of this situation.

“Aaron-” Robert begins, his voice breaking slightly halfway through his name, he feels defeated. This is not how he thought his Christmas Eve would end.

“Please! Just go.” His voice is soft and quiet again now, and Robert can’t bring himself to argue with that.

He blinks a few times, before he gives in and heads for the door. His shoulders tense, as his hand finds the handle, hesitation taking over him, with the overwhelming urge to look back, but he has to stop running after the past.

He sighs, before pulling open the door and stepping into the porch.

Aaron watches on as the door closes shut, the click of it landing in place being the only sound filling the now suffocating silence.

He wanted to call his name, wanted to tell him to stay, but what he wants and what he needs are two different things.

His breath catches in his throat again as his body falls against the wall behind him. He instantly feels exhausted, his knees buckle and he finds himself sliding down the wall and onto the floor.

He still has this hold on him, after all this time.

Aaron lets out a shaky breath, rubbing his hands across his face, when he hears the door creak open.

His ears perk up at the sound as he slowly lifts his head. He sees the shoes first, rich Italian leather, wet and covered in snow. His eyes track further, the damp jeans all the way up to his thighs, the thin button up shirt with traces of snow on, his eyes finally land on his face.

“I er- we’re snowed in.”

“What do you mean ‘snowed in’?” Aaron questions, shooting up from the floor and making his way towards the front of The Mill.

He pulls open the door, watches as snow tumbles into the hallway, arctic air instantly hitting him.

It’s heavier than ever, falling down at record speed. A white wall coming up past his waist. He stares, eyes wide as he shakes his head softly in disbelief. 

How is this happening?

He quickly shuts the door, stopping any more snow coming inside, He feels Robert’s presence behind him. Sighing deeply, he turns to face him.

Aaron can’t bare to look at him. Too many memories, too much hurt. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again, words failing him. He shakes his head once more, storming past Robert and back into the living area.

“Aaron, please can we just talk?” Robert pleads as he follows Aaron further inside The Mill.

“I’ve got nothing to say to you, Robert.” Aaron spits, as he throws himself on the sofa, turning on the TV with a huff.

Robert accepts it, he knows not to piss Aaron off more than he already is. He knows he’s not welcome, so he settles for sitting on the recliner chair, far enough away from Aaron that his presence won’t annoy him. He picks up a car magazine off the coffee table and flicks through it, hoping to pass some time.

He can’t seem to pry his eyes away from Aaron. There’s so much unsaid, burning at the tip of his tongue. He wants to scream and shout and beg him to listen, but he can’t. The only sound filling the room is the static from the terrible signal as Aaron flickers through the channels trying to find something watchable. 

He’s making a point of ignoring Robert. Eyes glued to the TV as he clenches his jaw, he’s not as willing as Robert to give in to the urge to look at him. Robert respects him for it, and returns his attention back to the magazine.

There’s a loud sigh of frustration that makes Robert bring his eyes back up as they land on Aaron. The TV is switched off as he furiously throws the remote down on the coffee table in front of them, receiving a muddled look from Robert.

“Signals gone, shit weather.” Aaron explains which Robert simply nods at.

At least he’s acknowledging him now.

After a few moments of silence, Robert pushes himself off the chair and aimlessly walks around The Mill. Aaron’s trying to ignore him, but curious to what he’s up to, lets his eyes follow Robert around his home.

Robert remembers it all, every last detail, even though it’s been months since he’s stepped

foot inside. He knows what he’s looking for, and he finds it exactly where it last was, at the bottom of the book shelf, which now looked depressingly empty with the lack of Robert’s books and novelties.

He crouches down on the floor, his long limbs making it more difficult than it should be. He picks up box, dusting it off with his hand. He doubts anybody has touched it since he left. He stands from his position, and makes his way back over to the coffee table that was separating the two of them.

He smiles nervously at Aaron as he puts the box down in front of him, hoping he won’t be rejected.

“Monopoly?” Aaron raises his eyebrow at Robert.

“Got a better idea?” Robert asks and Aaron shrugs because no, he hasn’t.

Robert sits with his legs crossed under each other on the floor as he starts to unpack the board game. Aaron hesitates for a moment before finally shuffling himself onto the floor too, crossing his legs also in a way that reminds him of being a child at school.

It’s instantly familiar, something they would do together on a rainy day. Sometimes they’d convince Liv to join in in an attempt to tear her away from her phone, it never failed start an argument but it always ended in laughter. He hasn’t even looked at the game since Robert had left that day, didn’t see the enjoyment in it without him.

Robert hands Aaron the car and takes the top hat for himself. It brings back memories of the first time they played, both wanting the car as their game piece, both too stubborn to give in. It was Aaron who suggest Robert take the Top hat, it suited him better, because it was the most suave game piece in the box. Feeding his ego worked as he handed over the Car to Aaron, but he would never give his position up as the banker. It had been that way ever since.

“You gonna roll?” Robert asks, startling Aaron out of his nostalgic thoughts.

“Yeah.” He mumbles as he picks up the dice, chewing at the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling.

They’re about an hour into the game and He’s actually enjoying himself behind the mask he’s putting on for Robert. It’s comforting, no phone in his hand, no TV distracting him, no nagging mothers. Just him and Robert and it’s starting to feel normal again.

“YES!” Aaron looks towards his ex husband, watching as he fists the air in celebration.

There hadn’t been many words exchanged over the game. Simple grunts of yes and no and the occasional read of community chest cards out loud, but nothing directly spoken.

The outburst made Aaron laugh. His facade fell and he actually laughed out loud, a laugh he hadn’t heard in months. A laugh that so obviously scream my husband is an idiot, but he’s mine. Robert smiled broadly as he watched it happen in front of him, Aaron shaking his head as the laughter silenced.

“I forgot how much you get into this game.” He smiled, fond memories of Robert swirling around inside his head.

“What not to love, it’s property and money, it’s like it was made for me.” He replies as he gives Aaron a satisfactory smile, his confidence emerging again.

Aaron replies with an eye roll as he bites back a smile that is itching to spread at the corners of his mouth. He shakes the dice in his and and continues to play.

When he rolls a six, he counts the paces on the board before actually moving his game piece, a smirk forming on his lips. He knows Robert wants this property he’s about to land on, and he has every intention of buying it first. Not because he wants it, he doesn’t really get the rules of this game, he just buys stuff that looks expensive so he can get money when people land on it. Robert’s too busy shuffling the fake money around, taking the role of banker to a whole new level. Aaron puts the money down in front of him, a satisfied grin on his face.

“No chance.” Robert replies when he notices what property Aaron has landed on, eyes wide in disbelief. 

“Take my money kind sir.” Aaron jokes in a posh accent, a smug smile on his lips.

“How do I even know you rolled a six?” Robert questions, his arms are crossed over his chest in a way of refusing Aaron’s fake money and accepting defeat.

It was funny at first, but Aaron’s getting frustrated now at how much of a sore loser Robert can be.

“I rolled a six.” Aaron confirms, slightly offended by Robert’s accusations.

It’s what always happens, they’re both terrible losers and every time they play a game it ends like this.

“I reckon you cheated.” Robert points a blaming finger.

But this time is different. Because there’s underlying tensions, unspoken words, there’s no kiss and make up scenario, so when the words settle in Aaron’s ears, he can’t stop himself. 

“That’s more your style mate.”

It’s bitter and it’s laced with venom and Robert practically recoils as if he’s just been bitten. 

They’re no longer talking about the game and they both know it.

Aaron watches as the lopsided smirk Robert wore fell, his eyes drop down to the floor, but just before they do, Aaron sees the heartbreak written all over them.

He regrets it. Wants to reach out and take Robert in his arms, wants to kiss away the pain. But he’s also stubborn as hell, so his face stays stern and his eyes fierce.

“Aaron, you know I never - I wouldn’t.” Roberts a mumbling mess and he’s looking at the palms of his hands because he’s not quite sure where his eyes should be. The soft, subtle voice that only Aaron hears is back, and it pulls at his heart strings, but he can’t help himself. Can’t help projecting the months of hurt back onto Robert, and before he knows it the words are creeping up his throats like bile and are spat in an instant.

“The thing is, you’re a liar as well, so.” He shrugs, as if it’s the most casual thing he could ever say and that it’s not actually killing him inside each time he sees Robert’s face wince in hurt at his words.

The thing about Aaron is, he’s good at hiding his feelings. Denying them to himself and everyone else. And he’s not about to let an old habit die now.

“That’s - that’s what you really think of me?” Robert’s looking at Aaron now, deep in the eyes, and although there’s hurt, there’s also anger behind the green-blues.

Aaron knows he’s gone too far, can see the shell of a man in front of him and it’s all too familiar. What was a face full of joy only mere minutes ago now looked back at him in absolute misery.

“You know what, why do I even bother?” Robert’s voice is louder now but sounds just as defeated as he pushes himself off the floor, towering over Aaron.

“Robert I-” Aaron begins, he knows he’s got to do something but he doesn’t get the chance as Robert turns and storms out the door and into the porch, leaving Aaron calling out his name.

Aaron’s dumbfounded. He stays seated on the floor for a few moments, waiting for the door to re-open, waiting for Robert’s return, but when nothing happens, he begins to worry.

He stands, heading towards the porch, expecting to find Robert huddled on the floor in self pity, but he’s met with a cold breeze flushing over him as soon as he opens the door.

He stands, baffled as he walks towards the open door. Through the heavy down fall of white, he can make out Robert’s head and the top of his shoulders a few meters in front of him.

“Robert?! What the hell?!” Aaron shouts over the blizzard of snow as he watches him attempt to manoeuvre his body out of the driveway, he’s almost up to his neck in snow.

“I’m leaving.” Robert shouts back, attempting to use his hands to shovel away snow.

“You’re gonna freeze to death, you idiot.” Aaron replies, reaching out to hook his hand around Robert’s elbow, pulling him back towards them.

“Come back inside.” Aaron pleads. His face is soft and sad and Robert can’t feel his fingers or his toes, he nods his head as his teeth chatter together maniacally.

Aaron pulls him by the arms, snow falling off his body and melting instantly on the floor of the home they used to share.

Robert can’t feel his limbs, numb from the sub zero temperature outside. He’s shaking as Aaron guides him to the open fire he’s burning, quickly throwing a thick, wool throw over his shoulders. 

Robert’s tries to speak, tries to thank him, but the words stick at the back of his throat, almost like they’re frozen, as is every other part of his body.

He hears Aaron speak. Telling him to stay where he is while he runs upstairs, but Robert can’t tear his gaze away from the burning flames. The skin on his face stings from the change of temperature and his whole body is tingling as the sensation begins to come back. He feels his chest rising and falling frantically, as droplets drop off his hair.

“Here, put these on.“ Aaron says as he passes a old woolly jumper and pair of sweatpants to Robert.

Robert nods, it’s all he can do, as his trembling hand takes the clothing.

Aaron’s changed his own clothes, wearing a similar combination of sweat pants and a hoodie. A outfit so simple and so Aaron that Robert can’t help but stare for a brief moment.

He slips off his wet jacket, as shaky hands attempt to undo the buttons of his shirt. A task so simple made so challenging by the numbness of his fingers. He feels idiotic, struggling to undo more than one button every few seconds, he doesn’t dare look up to meet Aaron’s judging gaze.

"Do you - er, come here.” Aaron stutters out, startling Robert slightly as he takes a few steps closer, now standing directly in front of him

His hands anxiously come up to Robert’s shirt, fingers quickly working their way down the length of it. He can smell Robert’s expensive aftershave, pretentious and musky and simply Robert. It brings along a wave of nostalgia, the same way the smell of sun cream reminds you of a hot summer’s day as a child and it burns at his sense, makes him bite the inside of his cheek.

Robert’s body starts to warm up almost instantly as Aaron’s fingertips brush over his chest, they move delicately around the scar just below his heart, he wonders if the vibration is his heartbeat is noticeable as it beats rapidly.

“"Thanks.” Robert croaks out as Aaron finishes, releasing the shirt from his fingers and stepping back. Shaky breathes follow as he pulls on the jumper.

Aaron’s smiles awkwardly with a nod as he makes his way back to the kitchen, leaving Robert with some privacy to change his trousers.

When Aaron returns, He finds Robert sat on the edge of the sofa, shuffling closer to the burning flames. He’s got his arms wrapped around himself, his face is buried deep in the collar of the jumper, breathing in the scent of the cheap fabric softener Aaron uses. It smells like home.

“Brew?” Aaron asks, because Robert must be freezing and he can’t stay angry with him when he looks this vulnerable.

Robert shakes his head no, a kind smile on his face to show he appreciates the gesture either way.

“Something stronger?” Aaron raises an eyebrow as Robert furrows his own.

He pulls a glass bottle from behind his back, as though he knew Robert would decline the offer of tea all along.

Of course he did, he knows Robert too well.

Robert’s eyes fall on the tall bottle filled with brown liquid and he instantly recognises it. His heart tugs as a surprised smile lingers on his lips.

“I didn’t think you’d still have that?” Robert’s voice sounds slightly more normal now, not as hoarse and broken from the cold, but there’s a hint of disbelief behind his words.

“Forgot I did.” Aaron shrugs as he shoves Robert’s knee with his own, silently gesturing him to move over and make space on the sofa.

Aaron’s body sinks into the cushions as his knee gently brushes next to Robert’s. The way his fingers stroke over the label of the bottle and his soft eyes gaze at it, Robert knows there’s not much truth behind his words. He wonders how often Aaron has took the bottle out of the cupboard just to look at it, maybe even debate throwing it out, but couldn’t bring himself to. 

“We said we’d drink this together, on our anniversary.” Robert acknowledges, his voice quiet as the realisation hits him. They never even made it a year.

“We did.” Aaron’s replies, voice mirroring Robert’s as the same thought passes through his mind.

Robert wants to say that they still can, that it’s not too late and they can fix this, but he knows it wouldn’t be fair to Aaron.

The sound of the cork popping out of the expensive cognac brings Robert back down to reality. He watches as Aaron brings the bottle up to his nose, inhaling the smell before pulling a disgusted face and passing the bottle to Robert to do the honours.

He takes it in his hand, feels a slight ache in his chest from the sentimental meaning behind a simple bottle of alcohol. He doesn’t dare look towards Aaron as he feels a stinging sensation at the back of his eyes, tears fighting for release. He brings the bottle to his lips, a tight grip around the neck of it, as he gulps downs a large amount, swallowing back his tears In the process. He winces at the taste, as it burns down his throat, memories of the countless nights he spent alone with a bottle of whiskey after they first separated resurface. He’s wondering how he got here, on the wrong side of 30 with with two failed marriages under his belt.

“You gonna share that?” He hears Aaron ask from beside him, a goofy smile on his face as he watches Robert, who was oblivious to how long he’d been staring at the bottle.

“Sorry.” He chuckles, passes it back to Aaron as silence takes over the room once more.

He watches in awe as Aaron takes a swig, bites back a laugh as he almost throws it back up, sticking out his tongue in disgust. He knows his eyes are lingering but he doesn’t want to turn away, drawn like a moth to a flame, has missed waking up to this sight every day.

His eyes trace the length of Aaron’s jaw, his beard growing long and curling by his lips, the dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep or stress or both. He still looks as beautiful as ever, even if the light that usually shines from him has dimmed.

“Taste’s like shit.” Aaron grimaces passing the bottle back over to Robert for him to take the next sip.

Their fingers brush slightly and Robert almost drops the bottle as it slips through his fingers before he tightens his grip. He’s embarrassed, darts his eyes away from Aaron’s and takes another swig, trying to distract himself from the erratic pulsing of his heart.

Aaron’s hand lingers after the bottle is took, doesn’t quite know what to do with it. Wants to reach out and take Robert’s hand in his own, intertwine their fingers and never let go again.

“That’s because you have cheap taste buds.” Robert remarks, a smirk on his face which reminds Aaron of the man he used to know.

Aaron shoves at Robert’s shoulder with his own as he fakes offence. They fall into a light laughter, genuine smiles and crinkling eyes and for a second it feels normal, like it used to, and Aaron can’t help but reminisce on better times.

Aaron takes the bottle from Robert’s hands, gulps down in attempts to take his mind off the painful subject. He can feel Robert’s eyes on him but he can’t bare to look, doesn’t know if he can control himself, so he decides on taking another swig, letting the bitter taste burn his throat as he feels the heat of the alcohol running through his blood.

“How did we end up here?” Aaron blurts out after a few moments of silence. Robert’s resorted to playing with a stray piece of cotton on the sleeve of Aaron’s jumper in the absence of small talk and is taken back by the sudden depth of the question.

“I… I don’t know.” Robert stutterers out. Wishes he had the answers, wishes he could make it all better. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” He finishes. A heavy sigh escaping his lips because it all feels too real now, Aaron sat next to him, icy blues staring deep into his soul and sending a shiver which outdoes anything he felt when neck deep in snow.

Aaron smiles softly at him. It’s almost like he accepts it now, that Robert truly is sorry, and it makes Robert mirror the same smile as he feels the alcohol course through his veins.

His gaze lingers on Aaron and with a swift move he takes the bottle, another sip to his lips for liquid confidence. He needs to get this off his chest and he doesn’t know when the next opportunity he will get is. He takes the leap.

“I know I caused you so much pain, when all I ever wanted to do was make you happy.” Robert breathes out, can’t turn his gaze to Aaron out of shame and guilt, keeps his eyes fixated on the half empty bottle, draining away like the relationship it symbols.

“I was happy.” Aaron announces, a smile appearing from all the good times. Because when they were good, they were really good.

“I knew I’d disappoint you.” Robert finally looks up, catches Aaron’s eyes, there’s frustration behind his voice. He disappoints everybody he loves.

He lets out a soft smile eventually, one that makes him look so much younger than he is, so much more helpless and it tugs at Aaron’s heart. It’s true, he did disappoint him. Aaron had always knew Robert was a liar, but the reality of it being him he lied to, was devastating.

“You didn’t.” Aaron lies, because it’s in the past now and why dwell? “I didn’t exactly make it easy for you.” He reasons, knows he pushed Robert away at any opportunity out of his own crippling fear of trust and commitment. Still does.

Robert gives him a questioning look, waiting for Aaron to elaborate.

“I’m not exactly easy to love.” Aaron shrugs. He knows it must of been difficult for Robert, wonders why he stuck around for so long.

“Don’t say that.” Robert jibes, feeling instantly defensive. “Loving you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” His voice is soft and gentle as he looks directly into Aaron’s eyes.

Aaron quickly diverts his eyes. The sadness he can see in Robert’s making his chest ache, all he wants to do is make it go away. Not sure on how to reply, he takes the bottle from Robert and downs another hefty gulp.

The silence isn’t awkward anymore, instead it’s filled with pain and hurt and unanswered questions. Stuff they never discussed, because they never were the best at communicating. It all seems a bit ridiculous now, as they sit side by side, half the men they used to be, half a heart beating in their chests. Completely incomplete without each other.

Aaron’s fidgeting and he takes his nails between his teeth and starts to chew down hard. Robert notices it instantly, a terrible habit Aaron’s always had and Robert’s always hated. He wants to push his hands away, take them in his own and squeeze hard to stop him worrying. But he can’t anymore, wonders if Aaron will smack him one If he even attempts to. So he diverts his eyes, looks towards his lap and tries not to think of what ifs.

“How do we fix it” Aaron sighs, a hand coming up to rub at his face.

When he feels Robert’s eyes big and filled with questions on him, he realises he spoke the words out loud.

“I-I don’t know.” Robert replies sadly, like it was anything more than a rhetorical question and Aaron just stares back, not willing to tear his eyes from the man he once loved.

Still loves.

“I really don’t know.” Robert repeats, but it’s no louder than a whisper and his eyes are looking towards his hands that are placed in his lap and his breath catches in his throat as he tries to contain his emotions.

When he eventually looks up Aaron’s eyes are still boring into him. Everything starts to become hazy and his eyes droop as exhaustion hits his body. Because he’s tired. Tired of fighting, tired of heartbreak, just genuinely tired. 

Aaron’s close and he has the wildest urge to touch Robert, to just feel his skin on the tips of his fingers again. Misses the days he didn’t need an excuse to do so. Could kiss Robert’s neck without questions asked or could affectionately stroke his side and watch him relax under the touch just for the sake of wanting to be close to him. He missed it so much.

So he leans over, his hand raises shakily from his lap. Robert’s hair has dried flat against his forehead and he looks young and disheveled and nothing like the man Aaron knows and loves. All arrogance and confidence melting away as fast as the snow from his hair.

He’s not sure what he’s doing or why but he can’t stop himself as his trembling hand comes up to Robert’s forehead, pushes at the soft blonde locks and sweeps it away from his eyes, lingering there for a moment too long.

And before he knows it he’s recoiling like he’s been burnt, met with Robert’s big questioning eyes again. He regrets it instantly, losing all self control being so close to Robert.

He opens his mouth to speak, but what to say is baffling him. He watches as Robert’s lips twist, curling into a warm, encouraging smile that lets Aaron know it’s ok and Aaron can do nothing but smile back. 

“Shall we try the tv again.” Robert suggest, hoping the subject change will erase any awkwardness, uncertainty lacing his voice as he settles on fixing his eyes on the blank screen in front of them.

“Er, yeah.” Aaron replies as he fidgets around, attempting to find the remote around them.

He hears Robert yawn from beside him, has the urge to look, remembers how adorable he found it, waking up next to his sleepy husband, squinted eyes and messed up hair and puffy lips he just couldn’t resist stealing a kiss from. Even if it was filled with the unsatisfying taste of morning breath.

He eventually finds the remote control. Switches on the TV and starts flicking through the countless channels filled with static and blurred pictures. He sighs, settling on the one channel he can manage to get working. It’s a late night shopping channel advertising all sorts of random gadgets for Christmas and it’s ridiculous but he knows Robert likes this kind of stuff, usually ends up spending a stupid amount of money on something useless. 

Aaron remembers fighting with him late one night for his credit card, straddling Roberts’s hips struggling to reach the card and pry it out of his hands that were just a little too out of reach due to height difference. It was childish and silly but Aaron refused to let Robert drunkenly buy a set of leather reclining massage chairs, even if he did protest they were for him and Liv.

The memory makes him chuckle, his body vibrating slightly as he tries to contain his laughter. He notices the silence in the air and looks towards Robert, his face softening. He finds his head sloped to the side, almost falling onto Aaron’s shoulders. Heavy breathing escaping his lips as he falls deeper into slumber, making a warm feeling erupt in the pit of Aaron’s stomach.

He leans over, pulling the discarded blanket over their bodies, as Robert’s head falls into the crook of Aaron’s neck, nuzzling slightly, even in his unconscious state finding the familiarity of it. Aaron shuffles his body closer so Robert is at a more comfortable angle, drowning themselves in the soft blanket.

He turns his attention back to the tv, picks up the remote to turn it off when the time catches his eye in the corner.

It’s almost 2am and somehow the last couple of hours have disappeared before them, they hadn’t notice the night pass them by.

The room turns a stifling darkness as the silence comforts Aaron, the only sound filling his ears is the light snores from Robert’s throat. He smiles at the sounds, remembers it like his own personal lullaby and it all gets a little too much for him.

As he sits there, eyes staring at his once husband, Aaron remembers, really remembers and for two seconds it feels like they’re normal again. Remembers all other the things he misses like Robert’s signing in the showers and how he likes his coffee with two sugars when he’s feeling down and it hits Aaron like a ton of bricks. He’s certain now, what he wants is right here.

He leans down, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before whispering.

“Merry Christmas Rob.”

::

There’s a throbbing pain in his neck and a shiver runs through him as the cold air caresses his body.

Robert feels restless and stiff as he attempts to open his eyes. The morning light trickling into the room, everything staying blurry for a few moments. He knows he’s not in Victoria’s spare room, but for some reason it feels familiar, as though he’s already accustomed to wherever he is. He reluctantly sits up, stretches out his neck and winces at the harsh cracking sound before rubbing his knuckles into his eyes. He blinks a few times, waiting for his vision to become clear again, he hugs his arms as he shivers at the coldness.

He feels the leather material under him and his eyes fall on the tv in front and then something hits him and he looks around the room frantically, taking everything in all at once. He recognises it, it’s familiar but at the same time different, like there’s something missing. Twinkly Christmas lights catch his eyes and he wonders if he’s still dreaming, tries to track his brain for the last thing he remembers.

“Mornin’.”

He knows that voice, knows it so well. His heart plummets then flutters straight back up and he feels panicked but excited at the same time as he turns his body slightly in the direction of the voice and it’s confirmed as his eyes fall on him. His curls are messy and his face is slightly puffy like it always was first thing in the morning, his eyes are bright and the softest of smiles is on his face, Robert wants to pinch himself to see if it’s real. He feels the corner of his mouth turning up, the smile growing as he looks over at Aaron, but the panic is still evident and he knows he shouldn’t be here, knows Aaron doesn’t want him here, would of kicked him out last night if it wasn’t for the damn snow.

“I-I - sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I should go.” Robert’s up in a flash and he’s looking around for his belongings, remembers he’s not wearing his own clothes and his shoes are probably still soaking wet. He’s frantic and ridiculous as his large hands run through his messy hair and he doesn’t know where to look or what to do.

“Rob, it’s fine.” Aaron says taking a few steps closers. His voice is soft and not bitter or malicious like Robert has become used to. It’s calming.

“I- I should go.” Robert replies, trying to avoid Aaron’s eyes, because it hurts too much when the colourful blues are staring back at him.

“Wait a sec.” Aaron says, he can see Robert edging towards the door and he knows now that it’s not what he wants. Has let him slip through his fingers too many times.

Robert stops, Hesitant and confused. Aaron couldn’t get rid of him quick enough last night and now he’s delaying him leaving.

The snow outside is melting, and Robert thinks he can probably brace the cold and make it over to Victoria’s safe, but he knows he will be bombarded with questions the minute he steps through the door, and he doesn’t have the energy for it, so he stops, waits for Aaron to say whatever it is he needs to say, wonders why he’s being so polite when he could just kick Robert out right now if he wanted to

“I erm, have something for you.” Aaron looks shy and slightly embarrassed and Robert furrows his brows as he watches him root though a drawer and pull out a small box.

Aaron bites his lip as he looks at the small box in his hand, he hesitates before his trembling hands pass it over to Robert, his eyes looking to the floor.

Robert takes the box with a questioning look on his face, the last thing he expected today was to receive a gift from Aaron of all people. He tries to catch Aaron’s eyes, a soft smile on his face as he prays open the box.

He furrows his brows as his eyes recognise the familiar object. He looks back to Aaron, confusion still written all over his face. 

“My cufflinks? I’ve been looking everywhere for these.” Robert replies, picking one up between his fingers and thumb and examining it. He’s still baffled by the strange gift, but he feels excitement rush through him as he admires the silver plated links, happy to be reunited with them. They were the exact ones he wore on his and Aaron’s wedding day, and he was devastated when he thought he’d lost them.

“Yeah, I uh..” Aaron begins, scratching at the back of his neck nervously.

He doesn’t need to finish, as something catches Robert’s eye as the light hits the glistening jewellery in his hand.

There’s an engraving, small and delicate in italics on the back, and his thumb runs over it as his eyes glisten.

_R & A _

His heart flutters as he quickly picks up the other cufflink and spots a second engraving, and he has to bite at his lips, feels himself getting over emotional.

“Our wedding date.” Robert smiles as his glistening eyes look up to meet Aaron’s, he’s overwhelmed as he looks into the familiar blue eyes.

“Yeah, I got them done a while ago, felt a bit silly giving them back to you after we - you know.”

_Broke up Aaron thinks_

Robert smiles back, it’s soft and sad as his eyes fall back to the cufflinks, tracing his fingers over the engraving and wishing he could go back to that day, would give anything to relive it.

“Stay?” Aaron asks after a few moments of silence, his voice is hoarse and no louder than a whisper and Robert Has to look up to make sure he heard right 

“Stay, please.” He repeats, his eye soft and pleading as he looks deep into Robert’s, a wave of emotion taking over him.

“I don’t have anything for you.” Robert blurts out, panic on his face now as the guilt settles in. Aaron went to all this effort and Robert had nothing to give in return. Typical of him.

“It’s fine.” Aaron chuckles slightly as he watches Robert look around the room, reaching for his wallet on the table.

“I don’t want money” Aaron laughs again, brows furrowed as he watches Robert manically open his wallet and dig deep for something.

His heart stops when he sees it. Feels like he’s at loss of breath for a moment as it catches the light and sparkles in front of his eyes. He can see Robert’s nervous as he looks towards the ring in his hand and back to Aaron.

It’s been months since Aaron had seen it, since he placed it down on the table in front of Robert and told him it was over. The memory of it still hurts, the tan line that used to mark his finger now faded, as if he was never even married. But he still misses the feeling of it twisting round his ring finger, constantly finds himself playing with the non existent ring out of habit.

“I do have this.” Robert whispers, as he gestures for Aaron to take the ring out of his shaky fingers.

Aaron hesitates, knows what it means if he takes the ring but he’s wasted too much times and he’s certain now, this is what he wants.

Aaron takes it between his fingers, hears Robert let out a shaky breath none of them knew he was holding. He plays with it momentarily, twisting it round between his finger and thumb before he slides it down towards his knuckle, feels something erupt in his stomach that makes him feel good and happy.

“So I guess that means I’m staying?” Robert smiles, his nerves showing through his trembling lips as he wipes his palms down his thighs.

“Yeah.” Aaron exhales, as finds himself smiling too.

It’s the last place Robert’s expected to spend his Christmas day but it feels like exactly where he belongs.

They settle on the sofa with hot mugs in their hand and they’re met by a tut of the head and a bitten back smile as they Skype Liv from Ireland. She jokes about Robert needing to buy her a present now and he laughs more genuinely that he has in months.

Chas barges in early afternoon, coat covered in snow and bags full of gifts under her arms. She gives them a knowing look, half scowl which attempts to hide her smile, but she eventually ends up dishing out motherly hugs and cheek pinches the more wine she drinks.

The Dingle clan all barge in at dinner time, Roberts still in Aaron’s lounge wear and they’re all carrying some sort of food, declaring The Mill as the new Dingle Family Christmas residence. Robert’s laughing with crinkled eyes and aching sides as Charity fights with Aaron to finally get the reindeer antlers on and in the midst of it all he doesn’t notice Chas slipping a bright yellow Christmas hat over his own hair.

As the dinner finishes and the singing starts, he spots Adam and Victoria barging through the door, bottles of beer and wine in hand as they hurry in from the cold, smiles on their faces as they they pass out hugs and get involved with the shenanigans.

It’s when Robert’s stood in the kitchen alone, watching the chaos from the outside that he really starts to appreciate everything. There’s a huge grin on his face that he can’t seem to shake as he indulges in the festive mess that he calls family. It’s perfect and it finally feels like he has it all.

He feels a body next to him, turns to find Aaron wearing a horrendous Christmas jumpers and a dopey smile on his face from one too many snowballs.

“Merry Christmas” he says as he pulls Robert down for a kiss, lingering for a second, eyes closed and noses brushing as they inhale all of each other. It makes their hearts pulse and electricity run through theirs veins. It feels like old habits and new beginnings all at once and Robert finds himself feeling lightheaded.

“Yes it is.” Robert mumbles into his husbands lips as he feels him mirror the same beaming smile, arms tightly around his waist as they sway slightly.

It truly is.


End file.
